Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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