Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
