please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
