It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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