dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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