So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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