My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
