4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
