He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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