We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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