Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
