Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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