hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
