I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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