they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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