you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
