I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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