you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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