Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
