My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
