I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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