YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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