The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
