The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
