If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
