She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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