i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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