Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
