You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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