They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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