Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
