I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
