A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
