i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize