I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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