One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
