His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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