yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He felt like a one man threesome
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
