Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
