totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
