I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
