Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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