Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
