Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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