I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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