i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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