okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
