My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The beer is more important than you right now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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