so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize