I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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