pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
