Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
