As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
