I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
