Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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