FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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