Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
