i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
