I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
