im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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