Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
