he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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