My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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