i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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