YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
