i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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