How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
