Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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