PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
