You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
