Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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