Apparently you make a good broom.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
