It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
