Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
