Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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