Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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