Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
