I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
