new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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