you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
