every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize