i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
