New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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