Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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