More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
