At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
