That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
