I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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