Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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