Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
