ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
