I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize