the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you will always have a special place in my vag
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
