Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
