Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize