So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize