It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
