god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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