You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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