i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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