Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
