I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize