he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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