I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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