you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
