Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
