his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize