I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
