We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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