best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
