Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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