If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
