Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
