I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
