Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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