I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
