I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
