Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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