Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
