Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
