I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
