Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
