dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
should my penis look like a turkey
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
